She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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