even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
