Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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