just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
