Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
