I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
