so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize