I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
