Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
