Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
