My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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