Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
