I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
