i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
