I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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