i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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