ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
