It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
