I want to make a zoo with you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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