we have officially lost it.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
