So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
