All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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