I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
