im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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