Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
