dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
