my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
