you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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