There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
