p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
