I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
