See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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