do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
