I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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