im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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