What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
