I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
