A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
