I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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