I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
