Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
