You surviving the open bar?
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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