I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
