Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
