just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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