Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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