Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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