____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
