I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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