People in love make me want to vomit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
