Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
