apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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