It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
