I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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