i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
