Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
