Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
