i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
