I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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