you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
