So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
