He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
