So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
