I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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