I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
