Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
