He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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