Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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