she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
